A simple program to bring back the woman you love.
I help men bring their relationships back from the brink.
If your wife or girlfriend is saying she needs a break, here’s the key mindset shift that makes all the difference in the long run:
You won’t be going back to your old relationship. And you shouldn’t try. That’s what ‘I need space’ translates to. It’s a wake-up call. Which is why you’re here.
What you have is the opportunity to rebuild your relationship better than it was before.
I know that’s a big truth to hit you with right off the bat. It sounds scary. But it’s also the most honest, empowering thing you’re ever going to hear about your situation.
You’re being given a chance to step back, give her the space she needs, and work on yourself.
Men in this situation say things like:
“She used to get angry. Now she’s quiet, which seems worse.”
“For years I told myself there was time. I don’t think that’s true anymore.”
“I don’t want to lose the marriage, but it’s more than that. It’s everything we’ve built together, our house, the business, our kids, our future.”
“She’s getting harder to read. Sharing less of her softness. Sometimes she looks at me like she’s grieving.”
“For a long time I managed our interactions instead of showing up for them. I’m starting to feel that from her now.”
If your wife or girlfriend asks for a break, the worst thing you can do is nothing.
Your partner took a break because her important needs were not being met.
The function of the break, for her, is to determine two things: How she feels, and whether you can grow to meet her needs. Frustratingly, most wives and girlfriends refuse to talk this through once they’ve decided to take space. Most feel caught in a double bind when it comes to communicating with you, and see this as work for you to do on your own.
The function of the break, for you, is to make the changes that show you are a partner worth being with long-term.
Doing nothing during this critical time send exactly the wrong message.
Now is the time to act.
You can make a powerful change.
I’ve seen it firsthand.
Almost every man I’ve worked with facing what you are now thought it might be too late. Most of them were wrong.
You probably don’t have a character problem. More likely, it’s a set of skills you were never taught. Not by your father, not by your career. And you haven’t been motivated to learn them until now.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
When their partners have checked out, I help men go from:
- Performing connection -> showing up
- Emotional reactivity -> creating emotional safety
- Overpursuing -> giving her space
- Compromised communication -> saying what you really want
- Waiting -> gathering power to yourself
You can become a man worth staying for, before that decision gets made without you.
The program works best if you:
- Feel strongly that your partner is the right woman for you.
- Feel strongly that you made some mistakes, or that you can be a better partner than you were in the past.
- Want a plan to calm the current situation, so you can carve out time to work the problem.
- Aspire to expand rather than contract, in response to the stress
- Want expert support to learn new frameworks to understand and connect with your partner, not just a script to memorize.
- Have feelings, but don’t always have the right words for them.
- Know your relationship patterns were built by two people, not one.
The Rekindle program is tailored to your situation.
Before helping you build a specific plan, I assess your style, your partner’s style, and how the two of you reached this impasse. The growth that would benefit your relationship most is not one-size-fits-all. It’s unique to your situation.
Next, see the 5 stages of the Rekindle program: Stabilization, Understanding, Remodeling, Reconnecting, Rekindling.
